#46 Confusion



Don’t poison my mind.

Let me break free.
Let me be Free.

Don’t drag me back to Earth.
Don’t force me to the ground.
Let me resist the gravitational pull.
Let me withstand for just a little longer.

Let me out,
and let me see.

I want to explore.
I want to be free.

I want to know the unknown.
I want to jump where nobody has ever stood.

Let me do it for me.

It’s for my ego. It’s
for my mind,
my sanity,
my validation,
the self respect.

I have nothing else.

And I want to feel.
I want to feel valued.
Tell me I am valuable.
I need to know that I am important.
Tell me. Please.

I need to be irreplaceable.
I need to be unbreakable.

I tried to be understood.
Now I want to be an enigma.

I demand to be different.
I demand to be significant.
I know I am enough.
But I’m not enough for myself.

I’m not satisfied.
I’m not done.
There’s more than needs to be done.
It needs to be done.

I need more.
I need to go deeper.

I need to be more…

It needs to be proven.
I want the empirical data.
It need to to be battle tested.
Prove it.
Promise me.
I need to know.

Don’t taint my mind with this Normalcy.
Don’t poison it with the Wells of Average.

Let it roam free.
Let it drift among the clouds
and graze the grasses of the Infinite.

Let me see what cannot yet be shown.
Let me know what can’t even be dreamed.

Let me experience that which doesn’t exist.

Let it be here.
Or let me be there.

I want creation.
I need to know.
I have to understand.

Pull the veil back.
What is on the other side.
What has been hiding all along?

If it is real then prove it.
Prove this is not just a figment of the imagination.

The doubt is eating me alive.
I cannot continue with such uncertainty.

Let me walk amongst the gods.
What resides there?
But the greatest fear is that we are already here.

What if this is it?
What if there is nowhere to go?
What if we are already living that which we dream?

What if our bickers fall on deaf ears… or worse, ones that don’t exist?

Are we already amongst ourselves?
Have we already seen all there is to see?

Are we running in circles?
Have we already finished the race?

What do we still learn?
Where else do we go?
I am afraid we will not ever know.



Don’t make me commiserate with Average.
Don’t let me be blurred into Oblivion.



That is not okay.
It is not okay with me.

Allow me to go deeper.
Allow me to see more.



Allow me to fuel this Inadequacy, disguised as Elitism.



Let me be whole.
Let me find Wholeness within. It is the chief end of man, after all.



Or deny the whole thing.
Deny it all.
And break everything.



Make me a cog, a cog in the never-ending machine of Evolution.



0 or a 1.
I want everything or nothing at all.



Make me a cog or show me that I am playing my part.
Show me I am a piece of this larger puzzle.



Just a piece, but a piece nonetheless.
At least that would mean the puzzle exists.



Let me play my part.
Let me play it to the dutiful end.



Even if I don’t understand,
even if none of it makes sense,
let me know that it’s at least worth a damn.
Let me know the machine is going somewhere.



It doesn’t have to be true, just make me believe it.
I guess that’s what’s been done, hasn’t it?



The argument that we are worth it is pretty convincing, isn’t it?
We are all playing our roles?



We are all needed, aren’t we?
I needed that.



Thanks for reading, nerds. If you liked this and you’re not a total loser u should sign up for my Newsletter (unless you actually aren’t a loser, then don’t sign up, it’s not good anyways)


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