D) Relationship with Self (1)

Intro

“You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than your current results”

James Clear

“It’s you vs you dog, you’re running your own race”

Russ

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If any of these resonate, stop. Reflect for 30 sec (or watch this 13 min video). No amount doom scroll can replace a walk or moment of reflection.

“Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul”

Edward Abbey

Problemoes

• Most useful stuff
• To Do Today
• Jealousy
• Stress
• Anxiety/Rumination
• Emotions
  • Self Conscious/Confidence
  • Imposter Syndrome
  • Heartbreak (music heavily influences, lean into that shit)
  • Anger
  • Bad Shit Won’t Stop Happening
  • Failure n Embarrasment
  • Fear
• Self Belief
• Lost af/Not Fit In
  • Understand Self
  • Lost/Uncertain of Self
• Self Care
• Ethics/Integrity

These aren’t designed to be motivational speeches. They’re meant to be fundamental perspective shifts that make life easier & more fun to deal with.

30 second reflections have transformed how I consume information. It’s not quantity that matters, but quality. And quality is zero if you do not make the conscious effort to let the wisdom steep into your behavior. That is time and energy, no amount doom scroll can replace a reflective thought or walk.

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.”

– John Dewey

Most Useful Sctuff

• Stress n Anxiety
• Resilience
• Self care
• Meaning
• Emotions (Jealousy, Anger, Overwhelmed)

Choose your suffering. Life’s gonna f#%k us regardless, we gotta figure out how to deal with it.

1) Stress: Basic Breathwork, 1 min, 11 min

PhD Huberman & dude who hiked Everest in shorts (wife committed suicide)

2) “Life without meaning is the breeding ground of despair”

– Psychologist Jordan Peterson.

Seems like we have to have purpose or a cause we believe in. Whether it’s our work, hobbies, volunteer time, challenges, etc… we’ve got to have something we work towards.

3) Chinese Farmer, 1 min

4) “Celebrate the small victories”

It took me ages to figure this one out. I used to hate who I was. I didn’t like who I was and I didn’t understand myself. Self criticism is easy. It’s hard to appreciate the good parts of ourselves.

I was frustrated while rolling Jiu Jitsu that I just kept getting my ass beat. I totally ignored the fact that I was rolling with people objectively better and still progressing. That’s like yelling at a dog for shitting on the carpet, but never telling him where to poop.

5) Theo Von – Seeing Red, 1 min

6) “The only real test of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life”
– Naval Ravikant, CEO

“Life is a single player game”
“One day, I realized with all these people I was jealous of, I couldn’t just choose little aspects of their life. I couldn’t say I want his body, I want her money, I want his personality. You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image? If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.”

Jealousy

7) Gordon Ryan, greatest Jiu Jitsu grappler in the world

8) “Your worldview is both your greatest strength and your greatest weakness”
– Jeff DeGraff, ‘Father of Innovation’

9) Just a thought

10) Jocko Willink, Navy Seal “Good”

11) “You have to believe in the end of your story”
Unknown

12) Gary Vee, CEO Intuition

13) Writing: 5 mins/day- pen & paper

“Thoughts disentangle themselves through the lips and fingertips”
Dawson Trotman

This may be the single most effective tool I’ve stumbled across for rewiring my brain. I used to jot down quotes, ideas, and concepts that resonate. They say writing is 7x more effective for remembering things. It turned into responses I had. Over 6 years it’s morphed into an addiction.

Something about putting thoughts into the English language makes them makes sense. I write when I’m confused, angry, or upset. It makes my understand why tf I feel the way I feel. It’s helped my rewire lasting childhood conditioning. It’s improved my relationships and given me empathy. I write to zestify moments and look back fondly upon times I’ve captured.

The feminine stigma around “Journaling” and “Dear Diary” have been weirdly difficult to deal with. But it’s a habit I’ll continue for life as it’s helped me understand the world, myself, and my relationships. There’s no other way I could have articulated how I felt to the world without slowing down and putting it on paper.

10) Resilience: Choose Your Suffering: “Life’s gonna f#@k you regardless, choose your suffering or life will choose it for you”

If we don’t intentionally choose stress and challenging things, our brain makes up things to complain and bitch and moan about. Those people who are cynical and upset about everything, imho just haven’t done enough hard stuff

>> Good Books on Relationship with Self

1. Stress: Breath – Physiological sigh, wim hof
2. Meaning: Jordan petewrson “Life no meaning is the breeding ground for despair”
3. Resilience: Chinese farmer
4. Self Care: Celebrate the small victories – jitsu – like yelling at a dog wo ever reward
5. Resilience: Theo von look for red
6. Resilience: Naval single player game, gratitude antidote
7. 6 mo ago gordon ryna
8. Worldview is greatest strength and weakness
9. Anxiety: Rumination – block out sum way – Dad – bad thots, meditaion helped me
   • Meditate: 12 min meditation neuroscience or 35 min meditation
10. Resilience: Jocko “Good”
11. Gary Vee intuition
12. Resilience: Believe in the end of your story
    
13. Self Care: Gratitude – so easy to look at all things don’t have (love yourz)
    • It could always be worse
    • Always something to be grateful for
14. Anxiety: Reddit thread anxiety
15. Resilience: Choose your suffering (lifes gonna fuck u regardless)
16. Stress: Go for a god damn run 33 min runs or 7 min HIIT
    • Seneca mind-body
17. Stress: Saunas
18. Self Care: Insecurity – choose in advance what to be bad at. What are YOU good at?
19. Resilience: Easy to criticize others and the world, “Best selves when we’re working towards a better future” Lex Fridman
20. Resilience: Kanye – use it to your avantage
21. Stress: Hormozi – hard things. They’re challenges – opportunity to grow not obstacles. How can i use this?
22. Resilience: Own your shit – world doesn’t owe you anything (extreme ownership)
23. Self Care: Lots of stuff necessary to run brain at optimum
    • Sleep – emotional regulation
    • Food – literally builds ur brain. Shit food in, brains made of shit
    • Sunlight –
    • Exercise – If i don’t exercise or move my body somehow i feel like sht

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To Do Today

“The quality of your life is dependent on the quality of your thoughts”

–Marcus Aurelius (i think)

1. Redline Stress – phsyi sigh, wim hof
2. Reframe – Every shitty exp is just training for a worse shitty thing. Arm ur mind
3. Sauna – extend life and quality life
4. Compliment self – one thing did well today
5. Move Yur Friggin Body – greatest thoughts while body in motion
6. 15 Write, tim ferris 5 min – brain dump, get poison out, honest w self, understand wtf happening
7. 12 or 30 min meditation
8. Sleep god damnit (sunlight, mouth tape, same wakeup time, hubersuple)
9. Food? This is your brain on food
10. Ice bath/mt lake – painful but feel wayy beter. jumpstart day (sometimes)
11. Swallow the frog

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Jealousy

“Comparison is the thief of joy”
– Theodore Roosevelt

1) “One day, I realized with all these people I was jealous of, I couldn’t just choose little aspects of their life. I couldn’t say I want his body, I want her money, I want his personality. You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image? If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.”

– Naval Ravikant. His 5 min article is pretty helpful too.

2) Compare you to you 6 months ago:
“It’s you vs you dog, you’re running your own race”

I’ve found it so incredibly hard to block out comparison in my life. We’re constantly bombarded with people who do x better than us. So don’t block it out. Compare… But you to you 6 months ago

3) “The antidote to jealousy is gratitude”

Once I started comparing myself to my younger self I started to appreciate all the things I do do well. Someone’s always going to be better than you and somebody’s going to be worse. When I focus on the things I do well I begin to enjoy the journey a hell of a lot more.

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Stress/Resilience

“The body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind”
-Seneca

1. Breathwork: 1 min or 11 min vid

Inhaling activates sympathetic nervous system
Exhaling activates parasympathetic nervous system

Exhale longer than you inhale to use body to calm the body down. 4-4-6 for 2 mins is another variation I was shown that I enjoy.

2) How can I use this to my advantage?

Whenever I find myself stressed or scared out of my mind I visualize myself 2 minutes, days, or decades in the future: How the hell can I use what I’m going through to come out that much stronger? Kelly Clarkson got that one right.

My work right now is sucking up my days and frustrating beyond belief. But I’m challenging myself to be that much more efficient with my days, plan better, and wake up earlier.

3) Stress: Saunas ~174* for 20-25 mins

“Men who use saunas 1-3x per week showed a decrease in all cause mortality by 24%”
Saunas help me tremendously. I notice that I am much less phased by massive stressors on the day I’ve been able to sauna. Helps with stress, sleep, muscle atrophy, longevity, cardiovascular death.

4) What can’t I control?

It’s so easy to get lost in the sea of frustrations by things we don’t even have influence over. By explicitly stating the things I have no control over I rule out actions that are impossible in the first place. Ignore them. I can’t make more time in the day. I can’t control other people. I can’t control my boss. But I can focus on things that I can control.

5) 35 min runs

Runs or HIIT: For things offer more release than 7 mins HIIT or a 35 minute run

6) Reframe: What am I capable of?

Every shitty, awful, terrible, scary, or gross situation… is just training for the next awful thing that will happen. It’s not an obstacle. It’s a challenge to see what you’re capable of.

Or in the wise words of Lil Wayne “All this bullshit makes me strong mother f#@ker”

>> Good Books on Resilience

• #1 Rec: Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins

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Anxiety

“Meditate for 15 minutes. If you don’t have time, meditate for 1 hour”
– Unknown

Let’s just say the ‘anxious gene’ runs in my family. None of this stuff solves anxiety… the brain keeps generating thoughts and some of those will be crippling fear whether or not you locked the door… but these & stress resilience are ways I’ve learned to cope with the chaos and crippling “what ifs”.

1. Feeling worthless: “Don’t be the best, be the only”

I experienced this because I didn’t know how I contributed to society. I didn’t understand my role and just beat myself up for not being good enough. I didn’t know how I fit it. It wasn’t until I started experimenting with my creative passions and listening to intuition that I discovered writing and other ways I could help people.

What do you uniquely contribute? Takes time and a whole lotta effort to figure that out.

>> Purpose

2) What ifs? -> have to find some way to block that shit out

Block that shit out. One way or another, you have to find some way to get that shit out. Meditation and Physical handwriting have helped me tremendously. Ironically, fully exploring worst case scenario has also helped me see it’s rarely as bad as we think. Admittedly super offputting (and uncomfortable) when I first started, they’ve offered far healthier options than giong nuclear.

3) Ppl’s Personal Experience & Book Recs for anxiety from 2 Reddit Threads

Nothing beats hearing someone else’s story and how they overcame. Reddit is an absolute beaut. It’s normal people having normal problems sharing normal solutions… ppl share what worked. Plus here’s a 15 min podcast.

4) “The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts”
– Marcus Aurelius (i think)

What’s the story you tell yourself? How do you talk to yourself? What’s your internal monologue? It’s taken me years to figure out how to work with myself and be kind. I’m impatient. I want results now. But treating my mind like a stray dog never sped up the process.

5) Lao Tzu – Watch Your Thoughts

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

• Rumination – Have to find a way to block out. Dad vid. Reading helped me occupy my mind and fill it with far more useful information. The quality of life dependent.
  • Some thougts positive, some are negative, some neutral. Best way is to analyze the emotions n thoughts ur brain is having. “It is just a thought Sadid/Hopsin”
  • Swimming/Scuba – deeply therapeutic
  • Terrified leaving garage open. Car unlocked. Homework. Replace w better shit
  • Spent years rewiring my brain to think better.
  • Writing 5 mins everyday- get that shit out, allows you to analyze brain patterns, brain dump
  • “Don’t like being alone with my thoughts”
  • How to Change Your Mind, Peak Mind, Peace is Every Step podcasts,
  • Meditation
• Long term goals and what ifs – Step confidently unknown, jobs gut karma, just keep going. Execute. Learn from the greats. Execute. Learn from the greats. Execute

>> Good Books to Help Anxiety
#1 Rec: 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

>> Good Books on a Peaceful Inner Enviro
#1 Rec: Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh (or Meditations)

Self Belief

You don’t gain confidence without doing things that scare you. You gain believe in self by doing things you aren’t sure you’re able to do. Small stuff like oil changes, changing brakes, learning guitar – It’s helped for me to prove to myself that I’m able to do things. That compounds and you do harder, scarier things – solo travel, lead teams, marathon.

1) Do the uncomfortable and scary

The more awkward uncomfortable situations I put myself in, the better I got at handling them.
I sucked at public speaking -> Toastmasters
I relied to much on others to solve my probs -> Car maintanence
I sucked at surprises -> Improv
I sucked with new people -> Solo travel

2) Celebrate the small wins

The better part of the first 22 years of my life I spent frustrated with myself and dissatisfied with who I was. I constantly compared to others and constantly found ways I wasn’t good enough: You find what you look for.

It wasn’t until I started comparing me to me that I learned to appreciate the progress I was making. I began to ‘celebrate the small wins’ and appreciate what I used to take for granted. The gratitude in myself completely shifted how I saw myself. “Don’t be the best, be the only”

3) Make them tell you “No”

Far too often do I think myself uncapable of a thing. There’s too many people in the way. There’s too many obstacles. One things I’ve learned over the past year is that you only need 1 person to tell you ‘yes’. When it comes to time off, selling a product, or getting a damn starbucks coffee for free…. make them tell you know. As humans we far overestimate the fear factor and under estimate how agreeable people really are.

Other Emotions

Sadness & Heartbreak

I’m still a child, I know. But I’ve also learned enough about human emotions and behavior to glimpse into the mind. Certainly not an expert, but I’ve handled my whirlwind of emotions in very different ways: Some work, some spiral harder. I guess this is what I’ve found:

1) Sadness sucks: You survive. You survive. You survive.
There’s no other way around except through.

I’ve heard emotions described like ice cold waterfalls. They suck and sometimes we want to avoid them at all costs. Heartbreaks fucking hurt. But the more I find myself blocking it out and distracting my mind, the more painful it becomes. It’s as if we need to experience the emotion 100% completely. From personal experience and speaking with therapist friends, I’ve found that’s what makes grief so difficult – There’s no way around it but through.

Could be days, weeks, or years, but I’ve found the most effective way of dealing with it is to lean in to it. Fully embrace it. Sprint. Scream. Yell. Run. Feel it. But to block it out only leads to resurfacing in other ways. But I’ve realized nobody else can deal with that shit besides you. It’s you and you alone. If you don’t deal with it… bad news bears other people pay the price.

2) Understand and Relate

I think this is what makes music so effective. When nobody fucking gets it music always does. It’s so good I’ve got a whole playlist dedicated to sad me. It helps me feel connected and understand darker emotions are a natural part of human life. Music CAN be dangerous though – It can perpetuate or spiral an emotional state. It’s why I randomly sprinkle happy songs in the playlist that help me snap out of whatever funk I’m in.

Failure & Embarrasment

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm”

Winston Churchill

• Used to by soooo critical of self and hyper aware of peoples’ perceptions of me. I was terrified of making mistakes. I still am. It’s a fundamental part of the scientific process of learning… Indirectly, this 2 hour podcast helpd
  How to Learn Skills Faster, 2 hours – Andrew Huberman

Bad Shit Doesn’t Stop Happening (Victim-allison, ceilidh)

• You get what you look for (self fulfilling prophecy)
• Gratitude
  • Always could be worse
  • Always something to be grateful for
  • Unhappy when have toothache… not happy when teeth feel fine

Not Fitting In

• If you don’t fit in the world it’s because you’re supposed to redesign it so you do

Habits n Discipline

Integrity

Fyodor Dostoevsky – The Brothers Karamazov, Crime & Punishment, etc

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
– Fyodor Dostoevsky

If by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Michael Chandler – Your Word is Your Bond

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