Ok, so here’s the part where I tell you alllll about myself.
(more pics here)
My first Bi-annual Life Update.
I hate to be the self-righteous child that vomits their life story all over you. But to appreciate insights from my experiences that’ll hopefully impact yours, you’ll need to be brought up to speed a little.
I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible, but this was basically my last 5 years so no promises. I also like to write (and ramble) so this’ll probably be longer than you want :/
The Past 5 Years
So 5 years ago, 2018, led by my overwhelmingly limited understanding of what the hell I wanted to do with my life, I graduated High School and followed my singular, all-consuming, obsessive passion – Gymnastics.
I had no clue what profession I wanted, who I’d be, or where I’d end up… I followed the only thing that was a constant in my life. I was good at school, but very few things struck me with PASSION in school. School opened doors, but I wanted something more.
I knew I enjoyed gymnastics. That was damn near the only thing I knew. I knew I craved that team environment. Next thing I knew, I found myself at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO receiving a full scholarship in turn for service in the military. Wild, right?
It was 4 years of the most painful fun I’ve ever felt. It was a head rush of a roller coaster and I was straight into the fire.
Before you ask, no. No, I did not fly any planes. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not even one.
I did, however, get to jump out of one. I got gassed. I learned a language. I traveled abroad. I met some pretty kickass people from all over the country (and world!) and even got to travel abroad with some of them.
For 4 years (2018 – 2022) I got my ass handed to me by D1 gymnastics and scratched and clawed just to be on the tail-end of the talent vs time spectrum for success. Gymnastics built some character though. Oh man, did it build some character. The team, the coaches, the environment – It toes the line of your breaking point, and then jumps full force jumps over it. Mentally, physically, fearfully(?)… Lines were moved. I can confidently say that sport made me an entirely different person…like a… like a…like a beautiful butterfly emerging from its cocoon! Okay, well not quite.
As a freshman, I arrived utterly lost, off-kilter, and religiously on someone’s nerves. But now… ok well not much is different, but I feel like I came online. I woke up. I became alive.
The layers of mental weakness, excuses, fear responses, and ‘normal’ slowly started to strip, like some old paint chipping off.
I broke several bones, threw up, and bled. I cried, laughed, screamed, yelled, shouted, shook, travelled, pranked and explored my own mind and the world around me.
I was along for the ride, and tried to make the absolute most of this thing we call Life. Still do.
Sometimes all that’s left is to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I internalized that we can’t always dictate the bullshit that we find ourselves in, but we can influence our perspective and how we react. Crying about our problems gets us nowhere. Nobody actually cares. We’re on our own with this shit. I realized that the sooner we stop expecting solutions from the world and start figuring this shit out on our own, the better off we’ll be.
2 other beliefs I discovered:
- There’s always something to be grateful for
- It can always be worse. Always.
Combined, those two got me through some of the worst of it.
It helps to learn about the real shit that some people have to deal with. Some people out there are actually suffering. They’re starving to death, being strangled, raped, kidnapped, and killed. This isn’t to put too much of a dark note in, but I find it helps to put our own problems in to perspective.
The book Unbroken helped with that. (In WWII Olympic runner Louie Zamperini was shot down and stranded in a life raft for over a month only to be captured as a Japanese POW). Some people have real problems.
Less Was More
For 4 years, because free time felt so limited, it forced me to make the most of what time I did have. As many vacations as possible, I traveled abroad, exploring countries and cultures with some of my best friends. Some of the best:
- A 10-day road trip around the entirety of Iceland – thoroughly unreal
- Christmas in Panama, with a family with whom I was a total stranger, was perhaps the most full my heart has ever been. People are incredibly kind
- An Irish road trip was also pretty surreal
I’ve seen volcanos, hiked mountains barefoot, and backpacked solo through Europe.
Of all my adventures, globetrotting, and revelations, one thing in particular sticks out:
It does not matter where you are or what you’re doing – People and deeply quality relationships are the only things that make life ‘Life’. There’s a J Cole song that cannot be put better.
Junior Year I started to wonder if I made the wrong decision as I felt trapped by this 5-year service commitment. I refused to believe that I’d work a desk job for the rest of my life (still do).
I started exploring and looked for ways to rekindle my passion for living instead of staying enslaved to a subjective grading criteria built to pit you against your peers. I knew there had to be more.
I had friends who’d tell me these exact same things. We’d voice similar frustrations and bounce ideas on how to improve our lives. (We even attempted a podcast about it). We were just trying to suck the marrow out of life, and weren’t totally sure how.
The more people I’d talk to and the more frustrations I’d see, the more I knew everyone else was just as confused as I was. Nobody knew where to go. But people wanted more.
This Newsletter is, in part, a creation and conglomeration of those conversations. I hate to see people deal with problems that someone has already solved. (A good TedTalk on experiencing things to find out what you want)
I want to create a community to expedite those problems. Someone has the solutions, we just have to allocate knowledge and resources better.
Some Other Pieces That Bring Us to the Present (Past 5 Years)
- Spent the first 2 years in college recovering from injuries (I broke my wrist and fractured my neck, yikes)
- Junior year I competed twice for the Air Force gymnastics team and fell both times in interstate competitions :,( (4 years of dedicating my soul to this sport 24 24-hour weeks and those were the only 2 times I competed in Intercollegiate athletics – Not ideally the dream)
- I thought I’d go to Graduate School and take the path most traveled
- 8 months later I questioned my entire dedication to the sport I’ve done since a kid. Life frustrations were at an all-time high. Forced me to contemplate what I wanted in life
- I spent the last 1.5 years of college figuring out the direction I wanted, not just the path I was on
- Graduated May 2022 with a Major in an offshoot of data science and a minor in Russian
- Lived out of a 40L backpack in Europe for 2 months
- Realized I was glad I stuck with gymnastics ’til the end even if I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to – It transformed me
- Moved to southern Mississippi for 6 months with some really good friends – Some reallll good memories with some realllll good people
- Currently living in Las Vegas with a former roommate
2 of my favorite quotes (both of which kept me going):
“You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”
James Clear
“Move at they own pace, It’s you vs you dog, you runnin’ your own race”
Stockholm Syndromeby Russ (hits harder in the song)
Post Graduation
After graduation (May 2022) I spent 2 months exploring Europe, friendships, and my mind – what I liked and didn’t; where I wanted to go and didn’t.
I relentlessly contemplated the life I wanted and how I wanted the future to look.
After the 2 months, I realized that vacations are only fun for so long. At some point, the enjoyment wanes and we realize that we want more than infinite relaxation.
We crave direction, improvement, and progress. We crave being useful. We crave creation. The problem is that I’d spent so much time distracting myself and filling my mind with things I should be doing instead of thinking about things I actually wanted to do.
I got back to the US in August and lived for 6 months in Mississippi. Yea, Southern Mississippi for half a year… it was honestly a blast. I lived with 4 close buddies and had some fantastic times.
My time in Mississippi and Colorado made me seriously appreciate all the quality people that I’d met. I felt so grateful to have had the experiences I’d had – good and bad. It reminded me that you can be in the absolute worst places possible, but if you’re close with people, it doesn’t matter all that much.
Those 6 months in Mississippi, I also learned a lot from my friends. Come to think of it, I’ve learned a lot from my friends in the past 5 years. Come come to think of it, I learned more from my collection of friends, coaches, books, sports, and teammates in the past 5 years than in the 127 credit hours from my STEM major… not even close. Makes ya think.
People are the best and worst thing.
Then, in March of 2023 I moved to Las Vegas for work. It’s where I live now with one of my former roommates – not bad. I don’t love having my time taken and thrown in the trash can by a dull 9-5, but it’s cool to explore different locations and hobbies. It’s a stepping stone and it’s letting me create. Plus, the people are pretty cool. (Always something to be grateful for and it could always be worse)
I continue to contemplate life regularly and dream of a better future – One I wholeheartedly plan on creating. I’m not totally sure what that’ll look like in the end, but daily progress is all that can be asked for.
In the meantime, I’ll be trying to figure out how this life thing works. At some point, if I’m feeling waggish, I’ll throw those thoughts on a WordPress site and post ’em online (hey! 🙂 )
Wrap It Up, Moving Forward
As mentioned earlier, every 6 months I plan to share some Life Update (hopefully shorter), and each Week I’ll share my didactic discoveries. If you want a bit of a personal peak into my thoughts, feel free to peruse my website.
Welp, thanks for tuning in. Welcome to my life, hope you’re enjoying the hell out of yours 🙂
-Colin
(more pics here)
