Life offers a swift kicks in the nuts quite frequently (metaphorically of course, ladies, child birth). Left and rights come out of left field and we’re left to tend to our own. Sometimes it is, but ‘work harder’ isn’t always the best way through, as I thought for the better part of 20 years.
We’re overworked and not always taught how to overcome challenges. Worse, we’re beyond stressed and can’t even begin to think about how (thanks anxiety). The bell is rung, the round starts, and we’re in the ringer before knowing if we’re even ready. Don’t get me wrong, pressure makes diamonds, but there’s an art between the grind and the recovery. And without sleep, good luck mate.
The internal monologue makes that place a living hell or an enjoyable grind.
For the longest time I would beat myself up over and over. No matter how good I did or how well I performed it wasn’t good enough. If I did well it was ‘luck’ or ‘not that difficult’ but if I failed it felt like the end of the world. It’s taken time to appreciate my strengths and admit my mistakes. The ego doesn’t always want to let go.
Pretty sure it’s an art to make the most of this uncertainty we call life. Careers end, relationships shatter, and championships are lost. There are ways around and through it. But some are better than others.
Anxiety, stress and confusion are rarely a fun time. There are better ways to embrace the misfortune and misdirection. Hopefully some of these resonate. Just trying to learn from those that already figured it out and spread the wealth.
Sorting
– It doesn’t all matter all that much, you’ll live, life goes on just keep swimming. 10 years from now how will this affect you
– Reframing – challenge not obstacle. Embrace the suck. This makes me strngr
– What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
– Techniques
– Dub inhale
– Writing
– Meditation
All Resources to Take Care Yo’ Self
- Quotes/Shorts ~1 Minute or Less
- Videos/Shorts ~5 Minutes
- Videos/Articles ~15 Minutes
- Podcasts ~2 Hours
- Books ~8 Hours
- Songs
- Exercises
My Creations
Quotes
Actionable Steps
- Reframe – Every awful, terrible, scary, uncomfortable, gross, shitty situation… is just training for the next awful thing that will happen. It’s not a barrier. It’s a challenge to see what you’re capable of.
- Redline Stress – Double Inhale force body to calm down – Longer exhales than inhales force body to deregulate and calm down
- Sleep – Mouth tape. Shitty sleep over sustained period of time and you’re just in worse mental and physical state. Why do you think Navy Seal Hell Week is a week of no sleep? Shitty sleep results in worse emotional regulation. We’re more irritable and on edge. Our willingness to tolerate bullshit goes way down. Our ability to think ourselves out of situations go down. Our recovery goes down. My sleep was so bad I was in a fog for the first 4 hours of each day. It fucking sucked. 2 years of research, mouth tape is the only thing that worked. (CPAP helped but was inconsistent and annoying)
- 12 mins meditation during stressful periods – data to back.
- Extreme Ownership – Even if it wasn’t my fault, I make it my fault… How could I have prevented this? How could I have made it better? What could I have done? Astronomical difference. If you’re whole life you never ask for things, when you do, people will for sure know you need it and will for sure help. Otherwise you’re the boy who cried wolf.
- 35 mins meditation to feel fantastic – I feel at peace in the world and don’t need to justify my existence. I just float forward and enjoy the progress I’m having
- Choose Your Suffering – Life makes you suffer. Either you intentionally suffer (working out, scary things, doing the uncomfortable) or life is going to make you suffer from low level bullshit
- Intentional Fear – If we don’t know real life dire fear, our brains make things up to be scared about
anxiety
- Sleep 8 hours
- Sleep is the foundation of recovery. As a D1 athlete, it matters more than nutrtition, physical therapy, injury prevention. This is natures ability to solve problems of the body and mind. For help, see Health.
- 33 minute runs (or 7 min HIIT)
- Run however long you want, damn it. I hate running. I am not a ‘runner’. But at some point along this journey I was stressed out of my damn mind. Fine, doesn’t have to be runs, but punish the body to clear the mind. “The body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind” -Seneca
- 12 min meditation (to start)
- Headspace Meditation is how I got started – tremendously useful
- I was nervous to start because I didn’t want to lose my creative edge and I was worried that it’d empty my mind. Not the case. Meditation is merely a technique that allows us to have control over our mind, anxiety, stress rather than the other way around. 12 minutes (under stressful circumstances) has been shown to help, I would get distracted though. I’ve now upgraded to 30-45 minutes of “treating your mind like an animal. Control that shit” -A therapist friend
- Control the breath
- Andrew huberman double inhale
- Wim Hof
- Sunlight
- Thanks Andrew Huberman for this one.
Khabib on Sleep
“The body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind”
Seneca
/
survival.
“You’ll get through this”
My dad (thanks dad)
For some reason, this offhand comment was surprisingly beneficial for me. It was so off the cuff, so unimportant, so expected. It wasn’t a belief or a maybe, it was a fact. “You’ll get through this”. It’s sort of like Dory’s “Just keep swimming”. You will go through. When that is believed through and through, you don’t question the outcome anymore… you just…. keep swimming.
40% Rule
David Goggins
Even if you’re at the limit. No, you’re not.
David Goggins
“When you truly follow obsession, flow state never ends”
Zach Progrob
That discontent comes from a mismatch between desires and external pressure – Being forced into something we hate, and not seeing the value in it. Once we stumble across things that are truly meaningful to us, we don’t have to worry about the outcome. The flow state becomes natural. This isn’t to say there aren’t bad days, but the number of bad days shouldn’t outweigh the good ones.
“There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.”
Brene Brown
‘The mind is like a washing machine. Before I meditated I was stuck on the inside getting tossed around and thrown about.
Some podcast I listened to during COVID (yeah, that COVID)
After I started meditating for sometime I was able to stand on the outside and see the craziness that was happening. It still happened, but it was as though I was merely an observer’
“Thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through the lips and fingertips”
Dawson Trotman
I wish I had stumbled across the art of writing earlier. It would have helped me compartmentalize.
Helpful to think that even the best fail sometimes. Drake. Ed Sheeran. Patton Oswalt. All of the best. They have to fail. Indoctrinate yourself against failure
“Failure sucks in the short term but compounds success in the long run”
Colin Douglas
I used to be terrified of failure. I hated it. I was terrified of doing poorly on the test or disappointing parents or not being the best (ironic because I was far from it). I was so scared of failure though that sometimes I wouldn’t even put myself in situations where I had the option to. I played it safe.
This reframe helped me look past my nose and not beat myself up so much. This tiny failure didn’t matter all that much. It just means I’m at a stepping stone to something greater.
Failure Reframe
- “Even Drake gets booed sometimes”
– Rich Brian - Ed sheeran leaky faucet “You’re gonna have bad gigs sometimes but it’s fine
- Bulls losing to Pistons 1989-1990 Season – said fk it no vacattion back gym
“Jobs was able to indulge all of his instincts both good and bad. He was unbound. The result was a series of spectacular products that were dazzling market flops. This was the true learning experience. What prepared him for the great success he would have in Act III was not his ouster from his Act I at Apple, but his brilliant failures in Act II (at NeXT)”
– Walter Isaacson
uncertainty ~ it matters! it doesn’t.
“Every 100 years, all new people”
Anne Lamott
‘This here… none of this matters. All this right here that we’re looking at? None of it matters.
Danny the base jumper, Utah
What matters is your health, your family, your friends, and what you care about’
“I split problems into two groups: muddy puddles and leaky ceilings.
James Clear, Newsletter
Many of the problems I dream up when I’m overthinking fall into this category. Is this as hard as I’m making it or do I just need to go workout? Drink some water. Go for a walk. Get some sleep. Go do something else and give the puddle time to turn clear.
Other problems are like a leaky ceiling. Ignore a small leak and it will always widen. Relationship tension that goes unaddressed. Overspending that becomes a habit. Are you dealing with a leak or a puddle?”
lost.
‘The more time I spend with successful people, the more I realize nobody has it figured out. We’re all just trying to find our own way’
Tim Ferriss
“I mean, nobody out here’s got it figured out”
Childish Gambino, 3005
“Intuition is a very powerful thing—more powerful than intellect, in my opinion.”
Steve Jobs
*If lost af there’s a whole page dedicated here.
“That feeling of worthlessness comes from not working on projects we find value in. It comes from aimlessness. It’s from not finding meaning in living.
Colin Douglas
That room you’re in, the people you’re with, the projects you’re working on… if they aren’t fulfilling, they aren’t what you’re designed for. Get out of there. Get the hell out of there. Find something that makes you feel valued and meaningful.
There’s a tiny creative voice in the back of your mind. Look for it. Find it and follow it. We’ve got to see where it takes us. I think our gut knows where we want to go, we just have to listen.”
Advice from a Therapist
I had an NLP therapist friend tell me she believed we had 3 little people living inside us.
1) Animal Brain – Elephant. This is Jonathan Haidt’s ‘elephant’. It thrives on food, sleep, sex, and self-preservation
2) Prefrontal Cortex – Rider. This is Jonathan Haidt’s ‘rider’. It can use logic and thinks, but has a tough time forcing the elephant to do anything
3) Intuition – All Knowing. This seems to be the underrated voice. It’s the voice that saw the relationship red flags. It knew we’d be unhappy to major in Finance. The intuition or soul or whatever the hell it is, it always seems to know. But it’s the quietest voice and hardest to listen to. Powerful people have said it’s the most powerful voice though.
“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours”
Henry David Thoreau, Walden
“The world doesn’t owe you anything”
My dad… thanks dad
Such a beautiful one to start with. It’s a harsh reality. This was beaten in to me as a kid. But holy smokes it is beneficial. When you stop expecting or even hoping for help from others to come, you are finally free to take your own life in to your own hands.
It’s not to say others won’t help, it’s just putting the responsibility on ourselves. If we want something in life, put the damn pants on and go get it damn it!
overwhelmed ~ reframing the challenge.
Being in your 20s, ie life
Dan Bilzerian and the Chinese Farmer- Use it to your advantage
Kanye West- Use it to your advantage
“All this bullshit just make me strong motherfucker”
Lil Wayne, Drop the World‘
Turns out, Weezy stumbled across some similar wisdom.
I LOVE this mentality – Taking every single thing that makes life shitty and just using it to our advantage. It’s so easy to get bogged down in how shitty life is and how bad of luck we have, but in my limited time on Earth the lower the lows I experience, the higher the highs.
All shitty experiences have offered some insight, support, or character building that I’ve been able to use later. As shitty as they are, I do my best to welcome the setbacks because I know I’ll learn from them.
“You have to build calluses on your brain just like how you build calluses on your hands. Callus your mind through pain and suffering.”
David Goggins
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Kelly Clarkson (elite advice, i know)
If you quit now, you’ll end up right back where you first began.
Unknown
And when you first began, you were desperate to be right where you are now. Keep going.
I find myself thinking of this quote sometimes in the midst of a particularly brutal workout. Giving up puts you right back to the beginning. Might as well keep going. It’s easier that way.
David Goggins, Don’t Put People on a Pedestal
put here
/c
suffering is easier with a purpose.
‘Would you rather deal with the pain of grinding or the pain of sucking?’ (Bill Ramsey’s pain box)
Bill Ramsey on Alex Honnold podcast, climber, member of 5.14 after 60 club
Every time I’m going through something unbelievably painful or white-knuckle scary I ask myself – ‘How will this feel in 10 years?’
I started it when I was maybe 11 years old terrified to do gymnastics. The only way I could get through skills was by wondering if I’d still be scared when I’m 35 hahah.
By that time, the decision or suffering or experience will have been so far removed it won’t really matter any more. It puts the fear into perspective for me and makes it easier to think. I still sometimes use this when I’m terrified.
“If you’re not living on the edge you’re taking up too much space”
Stephen Hunt
‘I think the key to life is eliminating suffering for other people’
Joe Rogan
‘The happiest times in my life have come from when I was helping other people’
Dan Bilzerian
burnout and redlining.
Friggin love Mel Robbins
“Celebrate [your] small victories”
Seth K
I spent a long time disliking myself for not being ‘good enough’. Not in schools or sports or life. I felt perpetually behind. I discarded any ‘Win’ with a flippant “I should have already been there”. And then I was rolling Jiu Jitsu with my roommates and one of them told me to “Celebrate the small victories”. If you aren’t ever kind to yourself, why would yourself ever do what you want it to? (Weird description, I know)
“Always celebrating what I wanna see more of”
Russ, Song – Manifest
“Listening to my old songs, back when I would talk about,
Things that hadn’t happened yet, but now I get to talk about,
Just got back from South Beach Collins Ave, Shore Club,
Always celebrating what I want to see more of”
“You can keep beating yourself up over all the shit you didn’t do correctly – there’s an infinite list after all. But if you don’t take a moment throughout the day to ‘celebrate the small victories’, it’s like training a dog and only abusing it. If you never appreciate what it’s doing right, how will it learn?”
Me i guess
1 Minute
Double Inhale – Stress
Breath for less stress
combat unnecessary negative emotions.
Jealousy
“One day, I realized with all these people I was jealous of, I couldn’t just choose little aspects of their life. I couldn’t say I want his body, I want her money, I want his personality. You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image? If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.
Naval Ravikant, Jealousy
Once I came to that realization, jealousy faded away because I don’t want to be anybody else. I’m perfectly happy being me.”
Imposter Syndrome
“Honesty is the antidote to imposter syndrome”
This one also hit. We get imposter syndrome when we’re pretending to be something we’re not. As soon as I’ve been honest with myself and others about my capabilities, the imposter syndrome – Fades. I say I can’t do what I can’t. It brings peace.
Source: Dan Koe?
5 Minutes
okk
“It is just a thought”, Sadhguru
Attitude, Too much of a good thing, Self- belief, Joe Rogan
15 Minutes
Mindfulness Meditation
Tummo Breathing
Podcasts ~2 Hours
Mindfulness Meditation. Dr. Amishi Jha and Dr. Brene Brown
Books
1) Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink
2) Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
Songs
Champion, Kanye
“To me, giving up is way harder than trying”
Exercises
- Write down all the things that make you feel good
When you start to feel shitty, figure out if you’ve even done the things to take care of yourself. Here’s a some of mine:
– Sleeping
– Skateboarding
– Talking to friends
– Watching standup comedy - Solution Oriented instead of ‘facts’
– I’m always late (fact) -> How do I arrive on time? (solution)
– We’re gonna miss the taxi (fact) -> How do we make the taxi? (solution)
Every time I’m in a shitty situation and transition from “This sucks” to “How do I make this better” it at least gives you options. The skill gets easier over time. - Sleep
Without a minimum of 7 hours of sleep, decision making, emotional regulation, and confidence drop. - Exercise mother f%@ker
A 20 minute run each day should be minimum. If you don’t exercise, good luck sleeping. Night and day difference - Wim Hof Method
My Reflections
- #37 Stand on the Shoulders of Giants
- #36 Nobody Gives a Shit About You
- #29 Dreams and Drugs
- #28 Silence: Are You Sweet or Savory?
- #14 It’ll Change Your Life
- #11 It’s Good to Sleep On Rocks
- #8 Don’t Be a Donkey
- #5 It SUCKS Getting Choked Out by Your Best Friend
- #4 It’s Out of Love
Weekly Wanderings
- WW #86 – (8-27-2024) Overabundance, Walking, What we’re entitled to, Beautiful advice from a beautiful man
- Week 85 Wanderings (8-20-24) – Don’t listen to the ancient Greeks, Insights from an asshole CEO, Finishing things, Long term improvement
- Week 83 Wanderings (6-18-2023) – You have to actually think, Less is more, Some Chinese guy, Progress doesn’t feel like it, A goodie song
- Week 77 Wandering (5-14-2024) – Suffer less, Advice for the outdoors, How to make sink cleaning fun, New favorite song
- Week 74 Wanderings (4-23-2024) – You can’t have it all, Creating the future, Beating choices, Paradox of choice
- Week 72 Wanderings – How to be less of an asshole, Good friends are assholes, Podcast on the Customized Life, Intentional Relationships
- Week 71 Wanderings (3-26-24): Asking for help, Weaknesses as strengths, Having a good time, Evaluating Friendships
- Week 69 Wandering (3-12-24)
- Week 68 Wandering (3-5-2024)
- Week 63 Wanderings (1-23-2024)
- Week 61 Wanderings (1-9-24)
- Week 59 Wanderings (12-26-2023)
- Week 52 Wanderings (11-6-2023)