I have come to a realization in recent months.
I want to spent a greater percent of my time enjoying my life.
It feels odd to write down explicitly, almost embarrassing. It’s such an obvious claim and yet I’ve spent such a large portion of my life feeling obligated or carrying out the ‘should dos’. I didn’t really know what were my ‘would dos‘.
It’s been the incessant march down a path that people say is good for you. But when do we really stop and pause and ask… what are the things I actually want.
It’s been a weird question to answer because it seems like it’d be so obvious… but when I actually sat down to think about it… filling up 24 hours in a day in a way that I actually like living was harder than I thought.
“99% of your time is spent on the journey. What kind of a journey is it if you’re not gonna enjoy it?”
Naval Ravikant
“How can you enjoy the whole orange if you don’t enjoy a single slice?”
Dr. Brene Brown
Don’t get me wrong, the ‘should dos’ sometimes are good for us. But sometimes they’re so absolute, so explicity controlling that we forget to leave room for our own damn enjoyment… woah, our own enjoyment.
What’s life if we’re not going to enjoy living it?
There is certainly something to be said for delayed gratification.
Even more to be said for long term goals, having a plan, and executing it.
But I don’t think Happiness is the type of thing where benefits can all be reaped at the end. It’s not some bank we get to compound interest and withdraw all on our 62nd birthday. It’s not some store in the ground we hide all our nuts for the winter.
The more I’m learning to actually enjoy life, the more I’m learning… you’ve got to actually enjoy it. Weird, right?
goals
Even more so, we put all this stake in these long term goals we set for ourselves. And they feel really good once we get there.
But is the challenge really worth it if we sacrifice all our enjoyment to get there?
Looking at interviews of many successful people, there’s so many who wish they smelled the roses a little more on the way up. It feels good when we get there… but as Naval says, most our time is spent on the journey. If all we’re focused on is the end goal… it’s a fools game. Because even once we get there… there’s always a new goal.
The goal post keeps moving.
Inherently we’re wired for status. Status increases the probability of gene survival. That means DNA propogation. That means Life. That means evolution. That means #winning… at least by Mother Nature’s standards.
Side Quest: No clue where this evolution machine takes us. If you figure it out pls let me know.
“Life is the answer. We need to know what questions to ask” Mr. Musk
The trouble is Arthur Brooks is right.
“Mother Nature doesn’t care about your happiness”
Does anybody? Does anybody actually care about our enjoyment? Nobody cares more than us. That’s for damn sure.
“The reality is life is a single-player game. You’re born alone. You’re going to die alone. All of your interpretations are alone. All your memories are alone. You’re gone in three generations and nobody cares. Before you showed up, nobody cared. It’s all single-player.”
Naval Ravikant
Our well being is nobody’s responsibility but our own. Nobody is coming to save us. Nobody is going to take care of us.
That used to make me sad. I felt isolated, misunderstood.
But I’ve since come to appreciate that’s the the beauty of it.
We alone get to appreciate our unique set of experiences. We alone have control over our own minds. And we alone get to enjoy our own life.
Nobody cares about your own joy more than you. And similarly… nobody cares about your discontent more than you… meaning, if you aren’t happy it is fully within your control to change your life.
“Nothing changes if nothing changes”
That’s usually pretty damn scary, but it’s also a choice we get to make. The modern world allows it. Mobility has never been easier.
Your consciousness… your emotional journey… it’s all entirely and completely…yours.
Nobody gets to take it away from you. We get to be 100% selfish in that regard. Matter of fact, we have to be 100% selfish in terms of our own happiness. Nobody else even knows what we need, much less going out of their way to give it to us.
“Life is a bunch of sensory experiences and then you die”
Chris Williamson
meaningful work
Fortunately, the mind is wired to feel good by helping other people. Helping others feel good makes us feel good.
The whole system reinforces altruism.
“I feel the best when I’m helping people”
Dan Bilzerian
When asked “what drives you”, Steve Jobs responds
"I didn’t invent the language or mathematics I use. I make little of my own food, none of my own clothes. Everything I do depends on other members of our species and the shoulders that we stand on. And a lot of us want to contribute something back to our species and to add something to the flow."
It feels good when we give back to Humanity. Climber Mark Twight describes it as the “Collective Consciousness“. We are all the same species. We feel good when we help others.
An entirely unrelated but similar explanation was given by the man some describe as “The most peaceful man alive”, Thich Nhat Hanh.
“Without a cloud, there can be no rain, no tree. I see the earth in the tree. I see everything in the tree. So the tree is where everything in the cosmos comes into, and the cosmos reveals itself to me through a tree.”
Everything we have. Everything we use. The shoes we wear, the beds we sleep, the pencils we use, the ceramic bowls we drink – It all was designed and created by other humans.
Electricity.
The internet.
Credit Cards.
And Toyota Corollas.
They’re all staples. We’ve built our modern world on the inventions of those who came before. We drive on the roads others paved. Literally.
“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants”
Isaac Newton
“To the OGs, I’m thankin’ you now
Was watchin’ you when you was pavin’ the ground
I copied your cadence, I mirrored your style
I studied the greats, I’m the greatest right now”
J. Cole
dead presidents & horses
Former presidents studied former presidents.
Roosevelt studied Teddy. Teddy studied Lincoln. Lincoln studied Washington.
We’re all built by those who came before. We’re all a result of those previous.
If we die and haven’t contributed the wisdom, the lessons, everything that was learned… it all goes to waste.
I don’t know that we owe anyone anything. I don’t know that we’re obligated to pay it forward… hell, even pay it backwards…
But we do feel better when we do.
We feel happier.
So I suppose the question becomes “how can we help others?”
But a question before that question is “What are the things we enjoy in and of themselves?”
I’ve got a feeling the answers intertwine somewhere.
Nobody gets to tell us how to live or what makes us happier. That’s up to us to determine. There is, however, a lotta science on it.
Maybe we spend a little more doing the things we enjoy just for the sake of enjoyment.
1st world problems, I know. But we live in a first world country, don’t we?
Shouldn’t we control what we can control? Do more of the things we enjoy just for the sake of joy?
What are the things you enjoy in and of themselves?
And what would you do if money was no object?
Enjoy your life, yo. I hope you’re loving it. I know I am.
Resources
- (5 mins Youtube) What if Money Was No Object by Alan Watts
- (2 hours podcast) Arthur Brooks on Rich Roll Podcast
- (20 mins article) How to Make Wealth by Paul Graham
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