Pretttttyy sure we’re half assin’ this thing… half assin’ a lot… like a-lot-a-lot. We’re half assin’ a whole ass life.

Adequate. Alright. Mediocre. Subpar. Subsist. Gettin’ by. Just making it. We’re survivin’.

And it’s bullshit.

We wade through these waters of life, ambivalent and aimless. We just sort of meander through this thing. Half-alive.

Dead Poet Society. Captain Fantastic. Fight Club.

What the hell are we doing with ourselves?
What the hell are we doing with our lives?

We just trot along like a dog on a leash, following the herd like the bunch of sheep that we are.

I get it though.
It makes sense.

There’s so many options, so much to do, so many directions.
How the hell do you choose? How do even know how to get started?

So often times we just don’t. We just sort of hang about and let life come to us. That’d be fine if we liked doing it. It’d be fine if we loved that existence.

But it sorta seems like we’re sorta just… here. Just… existing.

And then the ole’ boss walks by and slaps a “Make sure these get done” across the desk.

Kick ROCKS, bro!

Our minds are a bottomless chasm of thoughts, experiences, desires and dreams.
But we just sorta wander along not paying taking much heed.

We’re not paying attention to the people we’re paying our attention to… the things we’re paying attention to.

So we keep on meandering, sorta kicking the can down the road. A vision doesn’t exist. Or if it does it feels to far away.

We keep kicking the ground, slowly measling our way down the street of life. What a miserable fucking existence.

No direction?
No goals?
No vision?

Of course we wander aimlessly – We have nothing we’re headed for! There’s no end state we’re trying to reach.

(Side note: If you know exactly where you want to go with your life you can kick rocks because I hate you.)

But there’s never an end state. There’s no final destination of happiness or bliss or anything else. We keep on moving forward.

“The goal post keeps moving forward”

Don’t they say it’s about the journey anyways?

But the end state is what drives the present. They’re right, I don’t think it is about the destination. But I’m pretty damn sure we need the end goal to give us the purpose right now. I’m pretty damn sure that end state is what motivates us to take action today.

Otherwise we frollick through the fields of dream land, but never actually get anywhere.

JOHN DANAHER – Arguably that’s a better method for happiness

Of course us normal nerds aren’t giving our 100%, 7 days of the week. Of course. In college you were lucky to catch me at 100 one day of the month.

Because it just sucks. Why would we give it our all? Why would we be fired up and motivated about something we couldn’t give to flying flocks of seagulls about?

The times in life where I’ve been the most ambivalent have been the times I’ve worked on projects I didn’t believe in.

That English papers in school. It was engineering projects. It was made up volunteer hours I didn’t believe in. It was replacing the struts on my car.

I avoid and procrastinate and don’t do the things I don’t like doing. I used to think I was just a procrastinator. I thought that was just my personality. (And to be fair, it somewhat is). I prefer to think instead of do. And sometimes it just takes getting started.

But the projects I’ve been most passionate about, the shit that does get me fired up – No problem. I wake up each morning excited to make the improvements.

My website.
Business.
Reading the biography of Malcom X.
Reading the biography of Steve Jobs.
Reading what makes people happy.
Bringing people together.
Solving problems.

There are things we love and things we hate.
But there’s another category that’s farrr worse. It’s worse than doing things we hate…

Those are the things we tolerate.

It’s the Purgatory of life. It’s the people, places, jobs, locations, and lifestyles that we just have… accepted. Call me crazy, but that’s wayyy worse than doing things I hate.

Hate gets us going. It fires us up. It fuels the vehicle to build something we love.

Toleration, though?

Un-fucking-acceptable.

Not me, no sir, count me out.

But it seems like that’s the default. It seems like those are the people our society has learned to create… and been encouraged to do so. It’s scary to step outside the box. And often, it comes with a light target on your back.

I’m not suggesting we’ll be high on life 24/7. But we should get the opportunity to work on projects we love, be with people we love, and do the things we love. But that also seems part of the problem.

We want the opportunity.

I know I did. I still do. I want the option. I wish I could just be given the opportunity. I want time to do the things I love.

But nobody knows what we love. And even if they did, why would they give it to us. We create that shit.

We don’t just stumble upon a beautiful life.
We gotta create that shit.

And it starts with the vision. Without the vision there’s nothing to work towards. Without the vision we learn to adopt someone else’s.

That’s the TV re-runs. It’s the Halo 4 and the caffeine, the nic and sugar addictions (damn it maple donuts are tasty). I know because I was there. I spent the entirety of the COVID Pandemic playing Clash Royale and Hearth Stones.

What a waste of fucking time. 6 months, evaporated. I didn’t have goals, I didn’t have a vision, I didn’t have anything I was working towards. I didn’t even have any hobbies.

Without the vision we’re taught to tolerate.
Ugh.

We’re conditioned to complacency and lead to believe this is all life is. What’s worse, is the people around us – Our friends, our family, our loved ones are all gently coaxed into the same belief. It’s bullshit. It’s bullshit because there’s a better way.

There’s a way we actually get what we want.

But nobody lives our lives for us. Nobody knows what we love or the tiny things that bring us joy or the little nuances we can’t quite describe. Nobody else gets to enjoy our morning Chamomile for us.

It’s just us living this life.
Me, myself, and I.

Nobody else knows what makes us happy. That’s for us to figure out and figure out how to do every damn day.

I guess I’m tired of half assin’ this whole ass life.

Time to keep dreaming.
Dreaming and building, dreaming and building.

Peace out girl scouts, hopefully this helps with the dreaming.

P.S. Without taking care of ourselves, how the hell are we going to take care of others?