Written: 2/23/24
Edited Twice.
Read Time: 3 minutes

We just can’t fucking have it all, can we?
We can’t just have what we want, I knew it.

The perfect house with the perfect car in the perfect Life.
Working the perfect job with the perfect dog and the perfect wife.

It doesn’t exist, does it?

The perfect neighbors and the perfect kids.
The perfect that and the perfect this.

Where is it?
WHERE IS IT?

I am asking a question.
I demand an answer.

I demand… the perfect life.

It is perfect and practical and real in my mind so it exists, right?
It must exist. It has to. I need it. I believe it.
It’s real!

I couldn’t stand to believe it doesn’t. I wouldn’t. I shan’t.
That would mean I’m a lunatic.
And I am NOT a lunatic.

So where is it?
Where is my perfect life?
I’m not asking again.
I’m not asking at all.

Where is it at.

The perfect diet with the perfect body living a perfect day.
Can’t I just be a little bit taller with a little bit bigger house with a little bit bigger tool in the shed?
As for my girlfriend, can’t she be just a little more caring, and a little better looking with a little bit better cooking?

Why can’t she?
Why can’t you?
Why can’t anyone?

I deserve it.
I am, after all. And more.

To live. To laugh. To love.
So simple, so snappy.
Can’t I just be happy?

So why aren’t I?
Why can’t I?

Why can’t I just love how I live… how I live.
Why can’t I just make a few more dollars and climb a few more mountains?
Why can’t I?

Be happy. It’s a choice after all, you know.
You don’t know me, son.
Let me. I can’t. You have to.
It’s up to you.
It’s up to me.
Who, me?

What am I missing?
What have I forgotten?
What am I looking for?

I just want to make a difference. I just want to help people.
No, I just want to feel like I am.

Am I plagued by acceptance?
Drowning in approval?
Is it just suffocation from validation?

Or am I starving of it?
Am I even hungry?
It’s a bottomless pit and I’m always hungry.

Can I have more?
How do I get more?
Where is it?
Perfect and happy.

Costco didn’t have any. Neither did Target.
My neighbors ran out last week.

15 Minutes was a substitute, but the recipe didn’t call for it.

I tried to sprinkle in Love instead. It tasted weird.
Maybe the taste is acquired.

The recipe is still missing something. Not quite sure what.
Maybe a pinch of self love. Maybe a teaspoon of self belief.

Something is missing but I’m not quite sure what.

Let me know that I’ve done it.
Let me know that I’ve done all that I can.
Let me know I’ve lived the full Human Experience.
Let it be perfect.

Help people. Love people. Love myself.
Let them both live. Let me live.
Jesus Christ, let me fucking love life.

But Mother Nature has other plans.
My biology demands more.
It wants evolution now.
This beautiful country’s culture stokes the fire.
The past has passed and the future…
Oh, the future is coming…
with everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

Give me more.
I said more.

All of it. I want it all. More of it. More of all.

I want to live better. I want to be better.


I want the Human… to be better.

Let me put the dent in the Universe.
I can shatter the bedrock of society.

Or do I just want to be loved?
Is what I want so entirely self absorbing and miserable that I’m terrified to say actually speak it?

I can’t decide.
Impossible?
Not sure.

Irreplaceable. Undeniable.
Unbreakable. Indisputable.
And now, insatiable.

The highs, the lows.
Give it all. Give it here.

A mirage? A trick?
Is it all a lie?

No, it’s just the American Dream.

more.

This is the curse of perfection?
The dreading Vision of a dreamer?

Has Nature’s natural evolution turned me in to a messenger of delusion?
Has it made me unhappy.
Is it my DNA or is it me?

I don’t know if I want to know.
No, I don’t think I do.
I’d rather lie.

So just give me more.