Parent Link: [[2 Regret]]
Change your herd – link to change your herd

The Easiest Thing to Do is to Do Nothing.

We are wired for the easiest path in life.


We’re human.


We seek the path of least resistance. Evolutionarily, it’s what keeps us alive.

When we’re young most (if not all) of our life choices are decided for us. We have little input. How we spend our time and what we do are decided for us.

The foods we eat -> Dictated by our caretaker
What toys we play with -> Heavily influenced by parents
How we spend our free time -> Heavily influenced by parents and siblings
How active of a lifestyle we have -> Heavily influenced by parents

As we progress through the traditional education system our parents continue to lay the framework. We usually stray from it a bit with increasing inputs from newfound friends, so it becomes an entangling of influence from parental figures and peer relationships.

The sports did we play -> Often chosen by our parents.
The instruments and languages we know -> Decided or taught by parents
Post-high school education -> Largely influenced by parents and friends

Our life path is largely set.

By the time we turn 18 the framework for our life is largely already in place. There’s already momentum.

It goes deeper.

What line of work are you in?
What city do you live in?
Who are your closest friends?
What are their hobbies?
How active are they?
What are their political beliefs?
What are your political beliefs?
What are your religious beliefs?
How financially savvy are you?
What types of foods do you eat?
How often do you work out?
Where does your moral compass point?
What personality traits do you value?
How much do you step outside your comfort zone?
Who do you idolize?

Now answer these questions for your parents, siblings, and best friends. I’d be willing to bet that the answers are going to be very similar.

There are certainly deviations and exceptions. There always are. But generally speaking, our past environment (how we grew up) dictates a vast portion of our present lifestyle.

Unless we wake up.

Birth. Primary school. Highschool. College. Job. Vacations. Marriage. Kids. Retirement. Death.

That’s the path, right?

Only if you allow it.

It’s easy to let society make choices for us. We’re social creatures, after all, we want to fit in.

There’s an inflection point though.

If we’re not careful, society will continue to make what few decisions we have in this life for us. So much of life is a variable… why relinquish even more control?

Free will? More like social adherence.

It’s too easy. It’s simply too easy to stay par for the course and ride the wave that everyone else is.

Pssh…What, you think I’m going to alienate myself? Not today. I’d rather join the herd.

It’s the path of least resistance. It’s easy

Alternative lifestyles take waaayyy too much mental effort. Deviating from the herd takes tremendous willpower… especially if you don’t even realize you’re part of the herd.

It demands effort. It requires reflection. It requires an understanding of self. It takes a shitload of time and a shitload of work that isn’t immediately rewarded. It’s sooooo much easier to do nothing. It’s soooo much easier to do what people around you are doing. So change your herd.

That’s part of the reason it’s so valuable to travel. Expose yourself to new people. Expose yourself to alternate beliefs. Distance yourself from your current ones. And it works 10x more powerfully if you do it alone… you won’t have any preexisting beliefs to tether you.

Nothing-ness is Par for the Course

Growing up, we’re given goals.

No, not in the sense that we’re told what we want, but we are given a list of options and told to pick. Hey, what do you want to be when you grow up? Doctor. Lawyer. Engineer.

The people around us dictate what this list of options is.

As we grow up and expose ourselves to new people and new ideas more options become available. The same is true for lifestyles while growing up.

When we’re young we don’t know the extent of our capabilities or interests. We don’t know what options are available. So we embark down the path of the few options available to us. Consistency and expertise are prioritized over discovery and exploration so we’re put in these boxes of life.

Education.
Sports.
Hobbies.

They begin to guide us without us even knowing it.

Frenz

In school we are passing through what psychologist Erik Erikson calls “Identity vs Confusion”. We are struggling to find and understand ‘self’. In adolescence, when social acceptance defines us, this couldn’t be more true.

Our ‘self’ becomes a muddied average of our High School (and then College) friend group. It’s hard to develop self when that ‘self’ changes with those around us. (It’s why we find ourselves acting differently in different friend groups)

Borderline unconsciously, we chose our friends, (a result of these) and those people affect the trajectory of the rest of our lives.

We embark down the path of what those people value and the next thing we know we value those things too.

Self-exploration nearly always yields to social pressure. The desire to fit in trumps the desire to develop a truer self.

Next thing we know, we’re winding on this weird roller coaster of life, this path of expertise. We don’t realize what all the life options even are or how we got to where we did.

Life is on autopilot.

Before we know it, we’ve got the next 10-15 years laid out right in front of us.

When I was 3 years old my parents took me to a ‘Mommy and Me’ gymnastics class. I kept doing it and doing it.

I just sort of never stopped.

15 years later I competed Gymnastics at the college level in a sport I didn’t even know why I was there. I was simply reacting to my environment and there wasn’t a big enough reason to change course.

In a damn near identical trajectory, my sisters were taken to soccer practice. Fast forward 10 years and they both played soccer competitively in High School.

Our entire lives revolved around the sports we played.

My days, nights, sleep schedule, weekends, summers, and vacations – All revolved around this sport. My whole identity was built on a sport that I had no conscious recollection of even starting.

I started and just never really stopped.

That’s the basis of most people’s entire lives.

This is a terrifying prospect when considering that little of what happens in our early years is a conscious decision.

We are simply reacting.

Much of where we end up in life is the result of a reaction to external stimulus and nothing more.

Once you realize this, the walls start to melt away. You start to understand the way your world works. You start to understand the origins of who you are. You start to understand why you got to where you are. The more you observe in your present reality, the more you begin to connect it to your origins.

If you dig deeper you will start to understand your own mind and your own reactions. You begin to understand your emotions. You can analyze why you react to certain things the way you do. You can begin to analyze trigger and fear responses – Particularly if something dramatic happened in your childhood.

Understand where you came from.

That way you can understand where you’re going.

This lets you begin to change your direction.

Once you understand The Path of Life that your software was installed with, you can start to upload new Paths of Life for your future.

Dissolve the mirage of your future and create one you actually want, not one you’re set on.

Liberate yourself. Free yourself.

Live the life you choose, not the one you were told to.